Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
