I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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