Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
