you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
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I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
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I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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