I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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