Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
