I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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