How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
