I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
