I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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