I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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