I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
