Please, let me fuck your mom
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
