bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
