dude i'm inner monologue high
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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