Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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