i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
