Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
