Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize