just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
