Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
