My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
