Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
