In the future we'll all be gay
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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