How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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