i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
