my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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