Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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