I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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