Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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