The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
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Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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