You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
