She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
