please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
