I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
