I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
two words: eviction party
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Holy shit dude........stairs
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