its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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