this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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