Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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