he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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