Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
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