just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
