The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
