you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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