Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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