Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You made out with two different species that night
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
