I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
