When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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