after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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