My sheets look like a crime scene.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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