Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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