I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
