I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
