she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
