I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
