I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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