I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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