this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
