So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
