Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
