did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
