My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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