You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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