my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
