I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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