direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
