Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
