Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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