Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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