My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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