He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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