Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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