I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I touched a dick in church today
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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