I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
