You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
