I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
zippers are such a cool invention
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
