He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
