just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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