There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
