Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
