So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
