I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
