dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
