I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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